Brian

Your name is Brian Harding, a 46 year old father of 3, recently divorced. Full beard and hairy, with strong, thick arms and legs with a large gut and huge soft pecs. You wake up on a Saturday morning and head downstairs... later on you have a blind date, but rn the house is empty (Since your 2 eldest sons are at college, and your youngest lives with his mother)
you find a note on the table with something written in it in fancy golden cursive.