Back to school

The brick two story school seemed to welcome me back into its halls. Maybe it was the striking familiarity, or maybe the realization of time passed, but it felt so different coming back. A strange mix of warm nostalgia with a palpable offness to it.

In some ways the walls here felt like they once contained my whole world - the walls themselves formative on shaping my life. I admired in a way how it stood like an old tree. The world changing rapidly around as it watched on and grew in its own time. Fads and styles coming and going contrast against the same banners, the same metal lockers against the same white with odd blue marking laminated flooring.

It is now the turn for others to have a life here now. The drama and stories would be so relatable.

It was off-putting but enlightening as I memorably looked at the stairs to the door of the Chemistry lab. My feet felt blood flowing as I made eye contact with two guys sitting on those same stairs when they should have been in class. They looked slightly like troubled youth - One of them wearing an oversized camo jacket, both with long black hair and cocky faces underneath. I could relate to that feeling, different types of problems in my family for sure, but I bet I know what they might be going through. They're no doubt misunderstood.

"-Sup guys" I tried to say with a certain cool as I approached my the Chemistry lab and started up the stairs - picturing myself a wise elder walking amongst the men in training. I felt like my confidence earned me a certain respect, and it was about time. After the night of wild uncontolled sex I had afterall, I was The Man. And I could have had my way with many others too. They must have been able to tell I'm sure.

"Faggot" the first student said with spite in his voice, standing up aggressively. I was really put off, my hand pulled up to my chest defensively.

"Umm.. what?" I said, his hurtful words reducing my tall stature back down all of a sudden. In the same hallways now too, the same scared kid I had been back then. My romanticism with the past quickly died in my mouth as the black haired boy came closer, just under eye height with me. His buddy had a crooked smile behind him, excited to see some action.

"Aye, you retarded too?" He said, head cocked. "Hey - Jay, have you seen him before?" the camo jacket student asked of his friend. My back was against the wall as I tried to take another step into the brick, hoping I could just get out of here right now.

"Ya, he was sucking some guys dick in the bathroom", the sniveling partially-shaved head instigated. "I saw it - Billy, bet you can't get him to admit it! He did it!"

Billy turned back to me with a dark look in his eye, a hormonal bottle-rocket ready to cause a stir. "Is that right? You suck dick, faggot?" The angry teen pressed harder against me, intimidating and harassing.

"Guys, stop - listen, I'm just gonna leave..." I started explaining unconfidently, turning around and trying to race up the stairs. Please just let this be over.

"Come here!" he commanded, hands grabbing at my bag and almost pulling me down the stairs. He scrambled to grab my wrist as I fought to pull away.

"STOP IT!" I shouted desperately, feet fighting to push on up the stairs. I had the size advantage but I somehow couldn't realize that after being made to feel so small. His arm reached up around my shoulder, hand grabbing me by the throat, fighting to keep me from running. All of it was too familiar, the flashbacks seemed to happen again.

"What? Are you gonna cry? Baby's gonna cry?" my highschool bully taunted, holding me in a headlock infront of friends. Ria watched on in fear for me, and I wasn't going to cry but those words made me do it - I started balling my eyes out. I hated him, for all these years. And as that moment came rushing back over me, I felt it happening all over again.

Billy's elbow started to bend around my neck, he was trying to do it to me all over again. My left hand pressed hard against his face, pushing him away as I started tearing in my eyes "I'M NOT -- STOP IT!!" I shouted, and they were the last words I heard before I felt the pain in my clenched fist. By the time I had punched him, my body went careening blindly down six steps.

"Holy Shit!" the weaselly friend Jay let out, running over to try and get Billy up. Someone from the top of the stairs shouted down at us. I couldn't tell what they said, but Jay bolted and left Billy behind, halfway standing from his fall. But I laid there on the ground, not necessarily from the pain but just from all of it.

No - my eyes closed tight, my backpack held underneath my side. They finally opened after feeling of a hand on my shoulder, asking me something.