Amanda Blair, Channel 4 News Anchor, one block away

"Live in thirty seconds." Your producer Chris Drayford gives you the warning in your ear.

You shake your head to make your hair fall behind your shoulders, and you cough while thumping yourself on your chest to clear your throat.

pop

The top button of your blouse pops open, exposing some of your cleavage. That's weird. You've worn this top several times before and that's never happened before. Sure, you've had some nightmares at other times thanks to your impressively endowed F-cup chest, but never with this top and bra. How unfortunate! You'll have to add this blouse to your mental list of outfits not to wear on national TV. You quickly redo the button.

pop

As soon as you let go, it pops open again. You frown, properly irritated now. This makes no sense, and you're about to be live on air with cleavage showing. For a more flat-chested new anchor, this would just look attractive, but not lewd. But with your massive tits, it makes your appearance undeniably sexual.

#bigboobproblems!

You fasten the button once more, feeling its tightness. It's not even straining that much. It shouldn't pop open. What gives?! But once again, as soon as you let go, it loses its latch and falls open.

pop

"Ten seconds, Amanda. Sort that button out quickly!" Comes the warning from Chris in your ear.

Shit shit shit you think to yourself as you quickly make one last attempt to save your modesty. You hold it in place for a couple of seconds, hoping that will help. Chris begins the final countdown.

"Five, four," followed by mouthing and signing three, two, one...

You let go of your button.

pop pop pop

The top THREE buttons all pop loose. Your ENTIRE cleavage and part of your black lace bra are now visible. But it's too late. You're literally on air right now. Your eyes go wide but you try to keep a professional demeanor.

I can't believe this is happening!

"Good afternoon and welcome to the 1 O'clock News. I'm your host Amanda Blair. Top stories today: The country's new intercity high-speed bullet train is making its maiden voyage, and assuming it's on time, it will be zooming past our studio window any moment now. The winner of Magician of the Year has been announced and he will be joining us in the studio today to show us some of his favorite tricks. But first: Scandal and shock as the Secretary of State is accused by his wife of having an affair with a well-known TV personality, whose name we cannot reveal due to a court injunction."

"Amanda, the camera's going to be off you as we show other footage for ten seconds. Keep talking and FIX THAT TOP." Chris says urgently in my ear.

Since you need to read the autocue to keep talking, it's more difficult to try and do up the buttons.

"The accusation is that the Secretary comes... comes... comes inside... sorry, comes inside the university grounds once a week to meet his 19-year-old mistress in her university halls. Several eye witnesses report seeing the Secretary entering... entering the... entering the halls, but both accused parties deny anything untoward was taking place."

You get the buttons done back up just in time, as you appear back on the screen. And then...

pop pop pop pop pop pop

All six buttons come loose, causing your blouse to fall completely open all the way down. The entirety of your front is now exposed - your entire bra (why did you wear such a sexy one!) and even your belly button are now fully visible on national TV.

You hear Chris speaking to the technician. "Shut the feed. Turn off the broadcast."

The technician replies, panicked. "It won't turn off!"

"What do you mean it won't turn off?!"

"The button isn't working!"

You face the camera like a deer in headlights. You need to say something.

"I apologize, we appear to be experiencing some technical difficulties and, err, wardrobe malfunctions. We will be right back."