All but Sex and Sexual Orientation

You knew your company was working on some sort of online game, so your first thought is that this is just some weird attempt to do a character creation screen. You quickly grab a nearby notebook and write down what it lists as your existing statistics, just in case.

You leave the "Sex" selection alone -- you definitely want to stay male.

For "General Body Type," your first thought is of course "Irresistible," but then you remember a story about a guy wishing to be irresistible and not being able to get a moment's peace from all the women he saw pursuing him, including his own mother. You shake your head and instead just pick "Sexy."

You also leave "Sexual Orientation" alone -- you like the ladies, and that's the way you want it to stay.

You bump the "Sexual Appeal" number all the way up to 10, figuring that you won't be totally irresistible because of your body type selection, but that you might as well be as appealing as possible.

Your first instinct for "Sex Organ Size" is to go as big as possible, but then you imagine trying to handle a 27-inch cock -- and then a woman trying to handle it. You find a ruler in a desk drawer and stand up to do some quick eyeballing. Wow, 15 inches would dangle down to your knee -- but you shake your head and decide that 10 inches length and 9 inches around should be plenty. You enter those numbers.

You skip over "Current Intimacy Partner" for a moment and go to "Satisfaction with Life." Your first instinct is to enter 10, but then you think that being completely satisfied might make you complacent and end up being boring. Instead, you enter 9.

You then go back up a line to discover that it now says "Current Intimacy Partner(s): Enter Up to 3 Names." You're a little bit surprised by that -- you do have a fairly good relationship with your girlfriend Maria. Obviously, you're not literally 100% satisfied with her, but then, what guy is really 100% satisfied with his girlfriend? Is this program really suggesting it would take three women to give you a 9 out of 10 satisfaction rating?

Well, this is just some stupid character creation screen anyway. You contemplate just putting down Maria's name -- or putting down Maria's name along with two women you know from work -- or putting down Maria's name, a woman you know from work, and an ex-college girlfriend or something -- or just putting down three porn stars -- the possibilities seem almost endless.