A snowball's chance

After eating dinner with Eric, the newly formed couple went to work hunting the least girly options they could find in Becky's drawers. They came up with a total of none. Anything barely masculine would be inappropriate for a workplace according to Eric. Leaving skirts, blouses, heels, pantyhose, and push-up bras. "Just great."

Jordan grabbed the most masculine thing he could find to sleep in, a pair of fuzzy pink pajamas covered in hearts and a pink top. Jordan and Eric shared several beers and watched a classic movie late into the night, hoping to get Jordan's mind off of what he has to do. When it had finished Eric stood up and patted Jordan goodnight.

The next morning, Jordan moved like a zombie. He got up, went to his room, and bounced off of his door, "Ohyeahstupidthing." Jordan once again had to use Eric's bathroom. He peed, then showered, and still, no man's bodywash, forcing him to wash his hair and body with Becky's stuff once again.

Awake and naked with nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist Jordan stood in Eric's room trying to find something that wouldn't call any attention. "Hey." Eric's voice caused Jordan to jump. "Oh, sorry man."

"No, I...I just didn't know you were home. Don't you have work?"

"Took a day off. I got you doughnuts and coffee."

"Thanks. I need to..to...ya know and I'll come out and eat."

"Alright man," Eric sat at the dining table once more with his box of doughnuts and waited. Twenty-minutes later Jordan came out in a simple black skirt, no hose, and a white blouse under a black jacket. "Uh, is that what you're wearing?"

"What?" He grumbled and snatched up a chocolate doughnut.

"It's just...pretty sure your skirt's on backward."

"Wadda you mean?" He looked down with a mouth full of doughnut.

"Yeah, zipper goes on the back, not the front."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know, but I know my sister always wore them in the back.

"Fine." Jordan held the doughnut with his mouth and used both hands to turn the skirt around ruffling his coat and shirt even further. "Better?" He asked taking a bite.

"Nn...kinda." Eric helped Jordan find Becky's pantyhose, which helped in keeping his business tucked away, he even convinced him to wear the corset again telling him it would be suspicious if he suddenly looked like a man in drag than a woman.

"Fine, can we go?"

"Sure let me get my keys. Got your wallet?"

"Uh, yeah...not really."

"What do you mean not really?"

"Okay, remember last time I went to the bar and got super drunk?"

"I'm familiar."

"I remember seeing my wallet about 10 o'clock and I haven't seen it since."

"You lost your wallet."

"It's probably still at the bar."

"Really? In this city."

"Maybe." Jordan bit his lip and shrugged his shoulders.

Eric drove Jordan to work, dropping him off at the front entrance with a promise he'd swing by the bar as soon as they were open to go find his wallet.

Tiffany once again greeted Jordan cheerfully, "Hey, girl! I heard through the grapevine you were a workin' woman now!" Tiffany smiled happily.

"Y-yeah, I guess I am."

"Aww." Tiffany hugged Jordan, she was so shy! She would fix that. "Come on, I convinced Mrs.Bridgette to let me give you the tour."

"G-great." Why did she have to be so loud and...noticeable. Jordan just wanted to blend into the walls but he couldn't with secretary Barbie with him. No, administrative assistant Barbie.

Tiffany showed Jordan to the break room and explained where to put what and warned him to clearly mark his name on the food lest he wanted it stolen. She then showed him which floor he would be working on, and introduced him to a few people. "This is Jordan, she's new." "Jordan just started working here, isn't she adorable?" and so forth and so on. Finally, Jordan was shown his desk, it was right outside the manager's office and already it was stacked with paperwork.

"I'm going to die here," Jordan said quietly.

"Oh, pfft, everyone says that. I've seen very few people do it though, come on you gotta sign some things and I'll introduce you to your boss man." Tiffany opened the door and inside was a tall man 6'2, wearing a crisp and expensive business suit and a gold watch talking away on his phone.

"Yeah, yeah, no. I need those contracts by lunch! Okay, alright....bye." The sharp-dressed man hung up the phone and looked at the two women in his office. "What can I do for you fine beauties this mornin'?

Jordan hid his revulsion staring at his pumps silently.

"This is Jordan Applegate Jordan here is a new hire, she's going to be your new sec-uh administrative assistant."

Jordan felt like a prized pig at auction as the slick man looked him up and down. "Well, that's great, we could use a little fresh meat around here." The man stood, casting an imposing figure over the two girls, and held out a hand for Jordan to shake. “Adam Wesker.” Jordan felt his skin crawl but reminded himself of what he’d lose if he told this man what he really thought. Instead, Jordan shook the man’s hand. “I’m sure we’ll have great fun, you and I.”

Jordan **** himself to sign the contracts, thankful he didn’t have to learn a different name. Jordan’s first couple of hours were a grueling practice in tedium, broken only by having to get Adam his coffee.

While Jordan was at work, Eric went to the bar. Chairs were upended onto tables as a lone bartender washed glasses behind the bar. “Sorry pal, we don’t open for business till four.”

“Ah, about that. I’m actually here because my friend thinks he lost his wallet here last night.”

“Then why ain't he here?”

“Because he asked me to get it for him.” There was a certain edge to Eric’s voice under his polite tone.

“I got about six wallets back here, you got a description?”

“Yeah, black leather, skull on the front.” Because of his small stature and slight build, Jordan took every opportunity he could to appear more macho than he was.

After a couple of seconds of searching in a box behind the bar, the bartender produced the wallet. “This it?”

“That’s it, thanks.” Eric took the wallet immediately checking its contents. “Hey, it's empty.”

“Yeah, that’s how it was turned in. What did you expect? People around here ain't exactly saints.”

Eric blew air out of his nose and debated whether or not it was worth the fight to get some pieces of plastic. “Yeah, kinda bottom of the scum bucket around here.” Eric walked out of the bar and climbed into his car.

By lunch Jordan was ready to quit, it seemed like every man was leering at him and a few were less than subtle and straight-up asking him out on a date or inviting him into the janitor's closet. Several times he had to repeat himself that “I have a boyfriend.” and “Yes, it’s serious. We live together.” By the time lunch came around he was sick of men and worse sick of this corporate hell. He sat on a bench in front of megacorp eating a yogurt he pilfered from the refrigerator in the breakroom.

One of the lecherous men who had asked him out earlier walked over. “Hey, Jordan. Funny meeting you out here.”

“Yeah, funny. Especially when I walked out just two minutes ago.”

“Yeah, small world, huh.” ‘Am I this stupid when I hit on girls?’ Jordan thought to himself. “I know you said you were busy Wednesday but Friday night there’s this band that’s playing at Murphy’s. I heard you talking to Tiffany and you said you liked their music-”

“I didn’t say I was busy. I said I have a boyfriend and we’re going to be doing stuff.”

“The show starts at 11 so I figured if we-”

Jordan was about to blow up when he saw Eric walking towards him. Jordan hurried as fast as he could and threw his arms around his friend.

“Wha-”

“Be cool,” Jordan whispered in his ear. “Eric!” Jordan shouted in a very unsubtle way, “what are you doing here?”

“Uh,” Eric spoke softly still very much confused, “I got your wal-”

“You’re taking me to lunch? Well, aren’t you just the sweetest, fuzzball?” Jordan grabbed Eric’s hand and walked him back towards the parking garage.

After they rounded the corner Eric finally asked, “What the hell was that about?”

“Ugh, these guys. They’re so hard up! They’ve been asking me out all morning and telling them I have a boyfriend isn’t slowing them down at all. Just...Ugh!” Jordan still hadn’t realized he and Eric were walking hand in hand.

“I’m sorry you’re having a rough first day. I’m sure it’ll calm down soon enough.”

Jordan stopped at Eric’s car, he didn’t need the reflection from the tinted window to know Eric was worried he was going to quit another job. “I know, I’m just frustrated and I’d like to just spend some time with at least one guy who isn’t a horn dog.” Jordan turned to his friend, gripping his hand tighter, “Please?” Jordan hadn’t meant to sound so pathetic, but he desperately needed a break from the slick-backed hair and the three-piece suits.

“Okay.” Eric smiled and opened the passenger door for Jordan. “M’lady.”

“Don’t you start.” Both guys shared a laugh that echoed through the parking garage.