A real crowd-pleaser

Brie grabbed the desk with both hands and pulled herself feebly to her feet, lying across the table out of necessity more than obedience. I reached around to where her skirt was split stylishly up one side and tore it open until I could drape the whole thing over her upper body like a sheet, unveiling a sexy little secret.

"Ladies and gentlemen," I announced, stepping aside to give the audience an eyeful, "our host may act all coy, but she's been completely commando this whole time! Brie was so eager to help a man in need that she was willing to rub her disgusting ass all over this beautiful designer dress. Let's hear it for that slutty, selfless commitment!"

While the crowd went nuts, I climbed on top of the table and sat across Brie's back with her butt cheeks between my legs like bongos. Beneath me, the bitch muttered hoarsely,

"You can't wear panties with most dresses like this. They'll ruin the lines..."

"Whatever you say," I laughed, beating out a nice rhythm on her surprisingly large ass. Each slap was harder than the last, until I was just openly spanking her. The crowd really seemed to get into that, clapping in time with my slaps. I let it go on a lot longer than I'd really been planning to just to keep them on my side; by the time their enthusiasm waned, Brie's ass was bright red and bruises were starting to form.

Out of curiosity, I pulled Brie's cheeks apart to inspect her puckered hole. It was clenched tight, and when I tested it with my little finger I could just barely get it in past the knuckle.

"Well, folks," I laughed, holding up my stinky pinky, "you heard it here first. Either Brie Larson doesn't do anal, or her boyfriend's dick is a lot smaller than this!"

The crowd howled with laughter as I climbed off the table again and ditched my shorts to get ready for the main event.