A commotion down at the pond

“Sorry,” I say, “I can’t leave my wife waiting.”

I turn toward the door, leaving Phoebe in disappointment again. My hand grazes the doorknob when I hear a scream out in the woods.

I immediately look at Phoebe to confirm: someone is in trouble. We both immediately run into the night toward the scream. I think it came from down by the pond. I hope no one is drowning.

Fuck we should’ve grabbed a flashlight. I trip, roll and try to right myself.

Phoebe grabs my arm saying, “You’re so clumsy!”

After my trip, we slow down. The stars break through the trees. The moon shines are the pond in front of us. No ripples. No one is struggling for their life.

Two dark shapes sit on the pond side of a picnic table. Joey and Ross face each other and seem to be chatting normally. Maybe one of them yelled out to see how much it would echo across the pond.

Ross’s voice raises, “No! I’m fucking pissed because I was going to have anal for the first time tonight and you ruined it! Phoebe even told me she’d let me put it in her ass.”

“No,” Joey replies, much more calmly, “you’re pissed because now you know for a fact that I have a much much bigger dick than you.”

“Dude! I don’t care how big your dick is,” Ross voice increases in volume.

“Your wife obviously cared. She wanted my big hog, but she was afraid she wouldn’t ever be able to feel your skinny dick again once I had been inside her,” Joey says this so matter-of-factly. Like I would actually believe it if I hadn’t been a witness to Rachel saying no.

“I’m going to beat your ass again,” Ross growls. He reaches forward and grabs the back of Joey neck. Joey, ready for Ross’s attack this time throws his weight forward and plows his large body into Ross. They fall off the picnic table onto the slightly muddy ground. The roll around trying to gain leverage on each other.

As they grunt and wrestle, I take a step forward to pull them apart. Phoebe grabs my arm, “Let them get their aggression out. They’re too drunk to reason with.”

I stop and watch, making sure they don’t roll themselves into the pond. Their movement slows and the volume of the breathing increases. They’re too old and out of shape for this.

Ross yells, “Whoa! Not fair! Get your hand off my dick!”

Joey is so tired, he has to take multiple breaths between sentences, “Then get off me….get on your knees…and apologize….Say sorry that you got jealous of…my big cock.”

“Fuck you,” Ross struggles, but isn’t able to wiggle out from Joey’s weight.

Joey laughs, “You totally like me grabbing your dick. You’re getting hard!”

Grunting Ross says, “You’re so gay! Fine! If you’re gonna play that way, so am I.” He wiggles, and I see his hand reach between Joey legs. “GOTCHA! Hey who’s little baby dick is this!? What happened to your big hog?”

“Ah don’t squeeze so hard!” Joey yells. “And I’m a grower not a shower! Keep squeezing and you’ll have an anaconda in your hand. I’ll wrap it around your neck and will **** you out.”

Phoebe looks at me, her mouth wide open. She mouths, “What. The. Fuck.”

Ross explosively drives up from his back. He flips on top on Joey. He tries to pull away but can’t because Joey reaches around and grabs his ass to hug him tight.

By my count, both my friends are squeezing each others’ cocks, and one is groping the other’s ass. If they’re too drunk to remember this, I’m definitely going to remind them tomorrow.

Then I change my mind because Joey softly says, “You got a nice fucking ass.”

Ross replies, “Ha your dick told me first. Once you grab my ass, I could feel you literally grow in my hand.”

“Sorry dude. A nice ass is a nice ass. Even if it belongs to your best friend.”

They’re not struggling and wrestling the way they were. The mood has changed, but the heavy breathing remains.

Ross says, “Thanks. You got some nice tits. What are these? C cups?”

“They’re a little hairy, but you can suck on them if you want,” Joey says. His hand visibly massages Ross’s ass. I can’t see what’s happening between their bodies, but I try not to assume that they are stroking each other, but from the way they are sighing, it’s probably happening.

Ross groans, “I’m so fucking horny. I still can’t believe you ruined tonight.”

“I’m sorry, bro,” Joey says. “I’ll make it up to you. Want to fool around? No one will ever know.”

He looks around to emphasize how alone they are in the dark night. Phoebe and I duck down to make sure we aren’t seen.

Ross looks around to and finally replies, “No one can ever know.”