A Risty Play

Earlier...

‘Life is a real bitch.’ Azami Sakimori decided glumly as she and her friend Echidna got the shit kicked out of them by a long-eared kid and his scaly pals who, not an hour ago, had been nothing more than bits of virtual code in an old videogame.

Given her lot in life over the last two decades, one couldn’t fault her for her cynical perspective. A sharp, driven woman in her youth, she had worked her way through the long, thankless gauntlet that was the Japanese medical education system, followed by an enrollment in the JSDF as a medic.

Five years of service and... well, let's just say she had earned herself a Purple Medal of Honor, a couple of matching scars on her front and back and a pair of legs that did little else than given her the occasional itch. Needless to say she had been on lookout for a new career soon after that. Unfortunately hospitals in Japan have a habit of “suddenly remembering” that there’s no room in the budget to hire new staff once they see you roll into their office for your interview, thinking that you’re one of their patients.

Bastards.

Fortunately her time with the military had built up a few connections and goodwill that allowed her to get hired as a medical consultant for the police. In other words she hung around dead bodies all day determining if it was the bullet hole or the knife wound that killed the poor schmuck first.

Joy.

As if people weren’t uncomfortable enough when they noticed the wheelchair, hearing that you work with corpses tends to leave one’s social and romantic prospects as dead as the people on your examination table.

Was it any wonder why she preferred the virtual worlds of DMMOs to the real one? Where she could feel the wind in her hair and the quiet thump of each simulated step as she ran? Where the stares were not filled with pity and conversations with strangers not awkward and ****?

Her favorite by far had always been YGGDRASIL. Without doubt. The freedom it granted her to do and be whatever she wished. The opportunities it presented her to prove her cunning and tenacity against at every challenge.

The fact that it wasn’t yet another cookie-cutter FPS helped. Those tended to remind her of… things she’d rather not think of.

Plus there was just something so cathartic about getting in close and personal and smashing something in the face!

Over the years she had joined the guild The Queen’s Blades, vanquished countless villains, beasts, monsters, gods, devils and everything in between, participated in multiple World Championships (always a strong contender but never emerging victorious) and befriended many other odd players.

Seeing so many of those friends drift away at the declaration that YGGDRASIL would be shut down hurt. The Queen’s Blades had all disbanded barring her character; Risty Business, and the enigmatic Wood Elf; Echidna Mam’Boa who claimed that she had been making preparations for fighting YGGDRASIL’s “final bosses”.

Azami knew that she was lying. Echidna might like others to think of her as the mysterious and flirty femme fatale, but now and then she’d catch her off guard with a teasing compliment of her own and she’d go “afk” for several embarrassed seconds before returning with a corny comeback. It was rather adorable and oddly flattering.

Still, it was nice to still have someone to go adventuring with; going on “practice raids” on small abandoned guilds, farming for various drops and making idle chitchat in the quiet halls of their guild. It wasn’t until the eve of the shutdown did Echidna finally reveal just what she had been planning all this time.

The two of them were going to delve into The Great Tomb of Nazarick, plunder it of its vast riches and finish the game as uncontested badasses.

Just the two of them.

Where a **** of over 1500 had failed.

Through peals of laughter she agreed. After all what did they have to lose trying?

It turned out that her companion’s plan wasn’t as hopeless as she first believed. She had done extensive research on forums posted by ranting players salty from their spectacular failure in the aforementioned raid, so she had a vague understanding of what they would expect to face.

When they entered the first floor with its majestic forest, Echidna immediately untied a burlap sack that unleashed a typhoon of “shooshing” wind that rustled the trees as it eased to a silent breeze.

“The Bandit King’s Lullaby” she had explained coolly, “A reward from an event some years ago. The Rulers of this dark crypt shall remain ignorant to our intrusion for so long as we do not slay any of its inhabitants.”

Which was where she came in, soaking up all of the agro and damage, gathering the hoards of creatures together so her partner could hit them with a massive AOE stun or slow so they could run past their range of detection.

When the area’s boss appeared, a Fairy Queen of all things, they continued with the same strategy as it summoned swarms of fairies that instantly transformed into harassing clouds of viscous pixies, dodging vines set forth to bind her and guarding against backstabs whenever she ghosted away in the confusion.

Through it all she noticed her friend pause once or twice to chug a mana potion or crack open a pre-made spell crystal. Not at all concerned with spending her collection of consumables when they’d otherwise go to waste.

The fight ended rather abruptly, the boss halting in mid spell before relaxing and floating away without a second glance.

Echidna had been quite proud of her achievement; having continuously cast [Confusion] and [Forgetfulness] on the NPC until she glitched out and let them pass. It seemed downright broken but Echidna confessed that it was only possible for a small party; the chance of success diminishing exponentially with each additional player and NPC that needed to be ignored.

Seeing the next floor had been rather worrying; an undead-riddled graveyard implied a boss that was equally undead, and thus immune to Echidna’s mind-altering tactics. A fact that didn’t seem to bother the elven adventurer in the slightest as they kited and incapacitated the legions of the damned.

Her confidence was well placed. No sooner had they engaged the floor’s vampiric lady, her friend withdrew an item from her inventory and-

GONG~

The ring of an enormous metal gong echoed with a resounding boom that shook all who heard it to their very bones.

GONG~~

A second blast and the mountainous image of Buddha manifested like a spirit, meditation bell in hand as he struck it.

GONG~~~

This third and final clang unleashed a wave of energy before the holy man’s image faded away.

[The Middle Path]

One of the 200 literally game-changing one-of-a-kind World class Items. Capable of temporarily rejecting all of the natural immunities, resistances and weaknesses bestowed to those within earshot of its chime. With its power, creatures of flame could be torched to ash, constructs could be poisoned, slimes could be pummeled, specters sundered by humble steel!

But most importantly, it allowed the undead to be healed by positive energy, harmed by negative, slain by instant **** and **** to mental effects.

(Class based advantages and flaws were similarly affected; a number of alerts appearing in the top corner of Risty’s HUD as modest yet broad damage resistances granted by her own Class levels vanished.)

The battle had still been hard fought; the vampire had been scary strong. Luckily part of its specs had been spent on a passive life steal which only worked to their advantage in keeping it ali- undead. The fact that none of her equipment was likely to provide her with any mental defenses also helped immensely. A dozen top-quality health potions had been guzzled down keeping herself out of the red and Risty found her opponent dismissing them like before.

Ascending to the third floor, Azami chastised her friend for taking one of The Queen’s Blades’ most prized possessions without permission. But there was no real heat in her words, more annoyed that she hadn’t told her than outraged at the theft itself.

Wilting under her words, Echidna sheepishly admitted that [The Middle Path] had not been the only treasure to be liberated from the guild’s vaults…

Palming her face with an exasperated sigh, Azami had asked her to give IT to her. On receiving it, she did not even allow the peerless holy blade; the World Item [Excalibur], to finish its flashy equipping-animation before storing it away in her own inventory.

“B-but we need it!” Echidna had “pouted” defensively as Risty’s motionless face bore holes into her with Azami’s stare. “I mean, The tales of those who once sieged these dark halls tell of a deformed creature with powers that leave even the most boastful of adventurers as weak as a mewling kitten.” she narrated in full Chunibyou mode. “But against the infinite might of a weapon forged from the World Tree’s very leaves, such futile efforts would be akin to using a thimble of water to extinguish a burning field!”

Translation: There’s an enemy with powerful dispelling and disenchanting magic further up ahead, so we need to beat it with a World Item since they ignore the effects of everything that isn’t another World Item.

A good plan, though doing so would also lose them the element of surprise so the enemy players (if any) could run and grab their own World Items to destroy them with. An act of desperation only to be used when they needed it most.

The third floor was where the two ran into trouble. Not from the monsters that jumped out at them from every winding corner. No. Their problems lay in the very terrain itself! A confounding maze of stone walls and right-angled turns that opened and sealed at random to run them in circles and into waiting ambushes. Over two hours had passed before they finally reached the next milestone of their journey!

Greeting them in the cramped hallway by the exit was a bizarre swordswoman of a boss that they originally thought to be a thunderous Nue from her snake-headed tail, only to watch as flames as hot as dragonfire were expelled from her mouth and the fanged head of her tail. If that wasn’t strange enough, whenever Azami happened to maneuver her way behind the strange creature, flames would spew forth from the back of its head, sometimes utilizing a whirlwind sword attack that fanned a mighty fire spout around itself!

The rest of their journey was a frantic rush to make up for lost time, dodging around the lumbering blows of a COLOSSAL golem slumbering at the bottom of a lake and trekking through a hellishly cold blizzard to fight its giant icy ant-mantis guardian.

Azami had to give the guys who made this place credit. The time, money and care needed to design everything from the most insidious of traps to the smallest of details in the masonry and lighting must have bordered on the obscene, making her own guild look drab and amateurish by comparison.

‘It must be hard for them too.’ Was what ran through her brain as she resolved to enjoy these last moments admiring the fruits of their labor wholeheartedly.

The two had been engrossed in combat at a stone coliseum on the Sixth Floor, having too much fun to notice how quickly time had flown, when everything went to hell in a handbasket.

One moment Azami had been preparing a [Bull Rush] to blow through a mob of charging Dragonkin twice her size. The next she was staring in confusion as her HUD disappeared from view.

The next was the pain of jagged claws tearing into the side of her toned midriff, ignoring the rather skimpy armor she wore over her large chest. Crying out in pain, she lashed out and slammed her mace into the thing’s side, the beast giving a pained whine of its own as it was propelled across the arena before spinning around in midair to dig furrows into the ground with its clawed feet.

No time to stop and think! Decades old military training and instincts mercifully joined forces with alien muscle memory as she raised her circular shield and intercepted her second attacker’s swipe.

Her follow up swing was caught in turn by a clawed hand but rather than struggle with her heavier opponent as her third assailant closed in, she instead used his greater reach to her own advantage. Stepping in past his effective guard, she grabbed his grappling wrist with her shield-bearing arm, twisted her body and pulled.

Having his own strength and momentum used against him, the confused reptilian creature was unable to resist being hurled bodily into his lunging friend with a hip throw that would have made the human’s old toshu kakuto instructor proud.

Azami’s training would have followed her take-down with a pin while she subdued her prone attackers. The crack of a crimson whip across her face dissuaded such actions in favor of backpedaling to her friend’s side.

“Woah! Since when could you use Monk skills?” Echidna had questioned in wonder, before noticing the lightly bleeding wound on her torso. “Risty?”

“So you have some bite to you after all.” an unfamiliar boyish voice commented cheerfully, but with an undercurrent of hostility mixed in with the words. “I was starting to think that that weapon of yours was just for show with how you’ve been running around!”

Confidently striding forward with whip in hand was a “young” Dark Elf with spiky blonde hair. Barely standing at eye level with the monsters’ knees were they to stand upright, the dragon men had gathered around her like a pack of wolves around an alpha, waiting for her signal to strike.

“Risty, am I imagining things or did he just talk?” Echidna tentatively asked.

The Dark Elf’s dichromatic gaze immediately snapped over to “his” distant cousin, a frown pulling at “his” lips, hands clenching and long upraised ears flattening. Offended by the green-haired player’s very existence, statement and appearance; glaring at her voluptuous body like it had committed some great slight against “him”.

An utterly lively act that cast a primal sense of unease over the pair that, unknown to either of the two, was being similarly experienced by a third lost soul just three floors up at that very moment.

“Quiet.” Risty hissed at her fellow player, the hot pain on her side and face an adrenaline fueled reminder that something was seriously wrong here. Stepping protectively between the two elves, she-

Stepping?!

The proprioceptic sensation of her legs moving under her direction for the first time in years! Strong, healthy muscles flexing and pulling within a pair of long stripperific legs wearing (or rather, not wearing) a customized outfit intentionally designed to showcase their natural beauty.

Her excitement must have been apparent if the enemy elf’s baffled expression was any indication. Quick! Say something!

“Your boys should know better than to be so grabby with a lady. Next time I might not be so gentle.” Trying to sound as nonchalantly threatening as possible.

The elf scoffed. “What lady? All I see are a couple of would-be thieves intruding into the lair of the Supreme Beings.”

“‘Thief’ is such an ugly word.” Echidna’s mocking words flowing as silkily as her mincing steps around Risty, despite her warning. “‘Freelance Wealth Redistribution Specialists’ sounds far more dignifffFIe! Ah~N!” Only to cry out in… pain? when the tip of her ear was pinched and used to lead her back behind her comrade where she fell to her knees.

“What the hell Risty?!” Echidna shouted angrily. “That hur…t?” Outrage disintegrating with the comprehension that she was massaging six inches of overstimulated ear and feeling every electrifying touch as a part of her own head!

“If you’ve begun to understand how things are then keep your mouth shut and stay behind me.” Risty ordered, never looking away from the younger elf who was privately debating if she should find the act of a centuries old (surface-dwelling) elf being chastised by a human to be insulting on principle, or too amusing to care.

“How in the nine realms did you two weirdos make it this far?” the elven mini-boss sighed. And Azami barely heard her muttering something about a ‘bra-stuffing lamprey’ under her breath.

Azami wracked her brain for a suitable response. Boast with an; ‘Easily’? Double-bluff with a; ‘Just lucky, I guess’? Antagonize with; ‘That bug on the last floor asked us that too’?

“How?” she asked, summoning up as much bravado as she could muster. “The answer should be obvious, wouldn’t you say?”

“Why don’t you explain it to me then.”

“I am Risty, the Benevolent Bandit of the Wild and leader of the valorous guild; The Queen’s Blades!”
‘! That’s it! With [Excalibur] we could win easily!’ Azami thought excitedly, ‘If only I could get it out of my inventory!’

“So what?” their adversary shot back, only mildly impressed by her claim. “A leader of thieves is still nothing more than a swindler. Calling yourself ‘valorous’ is just a bad joke to help you sleep easy at night!” At least their dialogue had bided enough time for Echidna to get back on her feet; shivering, mumbling ball of nerves that she was.

Whispering as softly as she could to her partner, “Echidna, I need you to focus and keep them busy for a minute so I can prepare “that”, okay? We’ll worry about everything else after.”

“I… I’ll try.” she squeaked, about as much as Azami could have hoped for from the undisciplined civilian given the circumstances.

“You know I can still hear you two.” their long-eared nemesis called testily. “And I don’t know what you two are planning but it doesn’t matter. Hwe~” Breathing in, “FU~!” And out, a sweet gust blowing past the intruders.

For a fleeting moment, Azami optimistically hoped that they had resisted whatever “he” had attempted and nothing had happened. That the two of them still had a chance of getting out of there alive.

“Eh? Ah! Kyaah!” Echidna girlishly cried as she again fell to her knees, writhing as her hands flew to her loins. “Noooo~!” Self-pleasure however was not the task at hand, as it were. Instead she was contending with the literal serpent slithering between her legs, its green head halfway pushed into her glistening pink snatch as she desperately wrestled with the piece of thong-like “armor” which had once been a living creature in flavor-text only, struggling to keep it from sliding deeper as it coiled around her legs. “St-stop! I-it feels wierdDAAA~H!” Moaning as its little forked tongue began examining the warm cavern before it.

Before Risty could do anything to save her friend from being molested by her own “clothing”, the dragon men leapt at her and she was **** to stand her ground to protect her helpless teammate from being torn to shreds. Through the flurry of claws, teeth and tails, an arrow whistled past her guard to painfully imbed itself into her unarmored belly.

“I suppose it’s only fair of me to congratulate you on making it so far into the Great Tomb, Miss Bandit.” the Dark Elf cheerfully praised, notching another arrow into an enchanted bow in favor of using the whip from earlier. “But no matter how strong you are, the penalty for assaulting the home of The Supreme One’s is always the same. Your lives were forfeited the second you set foot here!” And loosed another arrow at her prey.

*written by Lawless