A Lecture (Proudly Banned In Portland!)[The End]

"Eris, I want you to think about what you've done." I remarked sharply.

"What?" Eris looked at me with an unbelieving expression.

"You must realize that lying to me hurts my feelings." I remarked plainly and directly.

"And your point is..." Eris rotated one wrist around several times, making a strange gesture at me.

"Well, the point is that you haven't thought about what it would be like if somebody did that to you!" I explained patiently. "I'm sure that if you sit down and think about it, you'll understand. After all, there's nothing that can't be solved with communication."

"You're... Ok... that was a good one. You got me. Is Allen Funt hiding in the bushes?" Eris snorted.

"No, I'm dead serious, Eris. I don't believe that retribution or **** is necessary. I think that if we all just come to the table and talk, we'll be able to solve all our problems."

Eris laughed at me again, long and mocking. The sound echoed around the small deserted beach, seeming to almost come from everywhere as a result. The sound continued for a long time, as Eris dropped to her knees, laughing her head off.

"If we all just.... BWAAAAAAAAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!" Eris laughed again, totally unable to contain the outburst as she tried to repeat what I had just said. She seemed unable to do it, instead breaking into peals of laughter at the the thought.

I stood there, unable to understand what she was finding so funny about the situation. Clearly what was needed at this time was a lot more therapy. Eris Clearly had had a horrid childhood, and probably had never had it explained to her about empathy and understanding.

Eris took another look at my unimpressed face before breaking into another peal of laughter, this time the laugh becoming almost horselike as she snorted through her nose on several exhales before again bursting into another explosion of delight. She breathed again...snorting into her hand before rising to to feet and looking into my face.

Her expression seemed to want to break into another grin, and soft tears were streaming from the corners of her eyes, but she looked at me evenly.

"Ok..." her lips pursed tightly, holding back a laugh and I heard a tight snort echo from her nose. "Go ahead..."

"So... What is the problem from YOUR viewpoint?" Was what I was going to say but Eris started laughing hysterically the second I got to the word "From". She fell back in the sand laughing like mad at the earnest and helpful expression on my face.

"Oh.... my... Wooooah... AHAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA! You should see the look... oh my ... looked just like a Pharisee..." She continued to laugh, doubled over and gasping for breath in between the mocking convulsions.

I admit I was having a very hard time keeping a straight face and focusing on the fact that no matter how hard they taunt you, as a man I had to be the bigger person and concentrate on peaceful and civilized solutions, not random mockery and ignoring of the proper manners for handling things. I breathed again, trying to ensure that I maintained the proper poise. After all, you never knew who was watching.

"Are you done?" I asked as Eris rose to her feet again, seemingly done with her latest spasms of mirth.

She evidently was not as the words sent her into another fit on the sand.

Well, just time to be the grown up. And wait. She'd come around eventually. Everybody always eventually has to grow up and deal with things like an adult.

The End

Credit Music