(Chapter II.I) Levelling Up, Growing Stronger

You’re standing guard in the bustling town square, where a grand total of three old ladies are knitting sweaters in a stall (hey, it might not seem busy, but that’s what happens when the plague hits every dozen years or so). One of them starts to get up, her joints cracking audibly as she straightens her back from a hunched position to a respectable 45-degree angle.

“You there! Young man! Escort me home,” she says, waving at you.

“I’m standing guard here,” you reply. A Paladin has many duties, and you will not shirk them, even if it does mean that the old lady will have to walk home alone.

“Fuck that shit, there’s nobody around to guard,” the old hag calls out again. Fair enough, you think, and you head over to her.

She leans on you hard as you start to guide her home.

“Ay, ay, not so fast,” she mutters, as you approach the street. “We look both ways before we cross! It’s a dangerous world out there! See, look, there’s a horse cart!”

She’s right, you guess, because the horse cart blows the stop sign at the intersection at a thrilling 5 miles per hour.

“Sorry old lady, but I’m going to have to ticket these people flagrantly breaking the law,” you say, and you chase after the horse-cart, leaving the old lady alone by the street.

The high speed chase lasts all of five seconds before you pull up in front of the cart, and the driver stops his vehicle, confused.

“You have violated the law of the land! Speeding is a civil offense punishable by spending two days in the stocks!” you declare. Thankfully, you don’t have to recite this person’s rights to him—Miranda won’t be born for another few centuries, if he ever decides to show up at all.

Just as you finish speaking, a golden light envelopes you, and a noise like a choir of pre-pubescent boys singing only mostly in-key sounds blares through the air. The driver covers his ears in discomfort, but you… You feel a surge of power rush through you!

HELLO a voice booms. Is it… could it be…? YES OF COURSE IT IS ME, THE GREAT GOD NICHOLAS CAGE

“My Lord!” you exclaim, falling to the ground and grovelling. The faceplant doesn’t hurt that much, because concrete pavements haven’t been invented yet.

YES, YOU LOT WILL GET AROUND TO INVENTING THAT IN FIVE-HUNDRED AND SEVENTEEN YEARS the voice booms. BUT AT ANY RATE, I HAVE COME TO OFFER MY CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU. WELL DONE ON LEVELLING UP.

“What does that mean?” you wonder aloud, but somehow, you already know. You feel stronger, as if you could deal more damage, and healthier, as if you could take more damage, and… something else. A feeling of liquid gold flowing through your veins, like a passive ability that will heal you for every turn you spend in combat.

“So… I levelled up from giving somebody a speeding ticket?” you ask, a little confused.

NO, SILLY, YOU LEVELLED UP FROM KILLING ALL THOSE MAIDEN THIEVES AND BRINGING THEM TO DIVINE JUSTICE! IT IS JUST THAT I WAS SLIGHTLY BUSY TENDING TO MY BEES AND FORGOT TO LEVEL YOU UP UNTIL NOW, the voice exclaims.

Fair enough. Bees are capricious creatures. And with that, the unearthly choir shuts up, the light dissipates, and soon you’re left staring at an empty horsecart. Now, where has that criminal of a driver run off to?