'PANIC! (at the disco)'

'WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?! WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? THE FUCK IS THIS? THE FUCK HAPPENED TO ME?' you scream mentally as you try to rush to get to your feet. Your legs haven't fully returned to 3 dimensional yet so you stumble forward on 2 dimensional hockeysticks-for-legs before crashing face first into the ground.

"John! Calm down bro! Just calm the fuck down!" the clone shouts at you as he tries to pull you up by your elbows. You push him back hard and wobble over again onto the flat of your ass. Ouch.

Other John stands up and dusts off his knees. He's wearing a pretty fancy navy-blue suit and doesn't seem too pleased at being pushed over.

"John, I swear I'm gonna push you back into that girl's abstraction - calm the hell down!"

You stare down at your 2 dimensional legs - the panic is lessened but you're still freaking out.

"Wh-what the fuck is going on with my legs!?"

"Relax, just wait a minute or two... seriously - calm down. If you panic you're going to prolong the problem."

You watch as your feet slowly morph and regain clarity again, they originally looked like triangles for feet attached to sticks for shins but now were taking on the original appearance. Weirdly though, it didn't regain shape just yet - it looked like a paper printout of your legs, they were still 2 dimensional but now they looked like someone took a photo of your legs.

Other John crouches beside you and puts his hand on your shoulder reassuringly.

"Pretty freaky huh? Just a second more - you'll get your legs back."

He wasn't wrong. Almost as soon as he finished speaking your flat lower body begins to have depth and shape again, expanding back to their original dimensions. You pat your legs to ensure they're all right - they seem fine. You lift up your trousers to check your junk - yep, dick is still intact and normal. Phew, that was close!

You attempt to open your mouth to ask but are cut short.

"Wait! I know you have a shitload of questions. I'm here to help you get answers - but for the sake of simplicity, you can only ask one question right now. Capiche?"

You gulp and nod.