"Fine, I'll rant about it"

"Bop!" Pixie poked my other nipple.

"I just told you that I was going to tell you about it." I crossed my arms, partly out of indignation and partly to protect my breasts from further poking.

"Yeah, but it was going to bug me the whole time if I didn't touch the other one too." She giggled. "So what, does he have a micro-penis or something?"

"Do you always assume that relationship problems revolve around sex?" I told her flatly.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't." She got herself more comfortable. "I just care a lot about that topic, its one of the few things that I can still get interested by."

"How old even are you?" I glared at her perfect skin that didn't show even one day of aging.

"Let's act like I'm young and pretend that I'm only a couple of millennia old, shall we?" She laughed and stroked my cheek. "Don't want to make the age difference too awkward, right?"

I groaned. "Please don't tell me that the ring is gonna make me fall in love with you."

"Don't worry, it cares a lot more about lust than about lust. You won't need to make me anything more than a fuckbuddy if that's what you want. Someone that you can use for your sexual desires. You have those, right?" She sneaked one of her hands next to my crotch, and tried to poke her fingers as deep as she could.

"Of course I do, I'm not asexual." I told her as I felt the fingers poke against my labia through my thin pants and underwear. "I don't remember me telling you that you could touch me there."

"And yet, you're not saying anything against it." She smiled smugly at me.

"As much as it pains me to say it, you're hot and it feels nice." I confessed. "But I really doubt I'll be interested in having a sexual partner with whom I don't have a romantic relationship."

"I'm going to want to hear you in a month or so, I doubt you'll repeat those words. But I wouldn't be opposed to a romance, if that's what's in the card for us." She blew me a kiss, as she kept moving her fingers at a slow and consistent pace. "Anyway, drama? Now? Please?"

"To make this simple, he's an overgrown child." I rolled my eyes as memories came back to me."

"Kinky" She bit onto a nail.

"Not in the sense that you're thinking of." Wait. "Hold on, how's that kinky?"

"Never heard of mommy-dominant and little-boy dynamics?" She casually asked as it was something obvious.

"Save me the lecture for another day." I told her before she could explain it. "Anyway, it's as simple as that. I didn't care about him being immature when we were coworkers because we were young and he did his tasks without much problem. Once we left that place, we kept in contact and were friends. Sometimes I teased him about how he should spent less time watching cartoons and more time learning how to cook for himself, but it was all in good fun, and I sill had no idea on how bad the problem was."

She held up a finger, wanting to tell me something. "I gotta interrupt you right there. Cartoons are awesome, animation is a superior and tragically underrated medium."

"You care enough to have a take on that?" I was puzzled.

"When you've seen all that the human body can do, you learn to appreciate the visuals of something that goes beyond." She shrugged.

"You watch cartoon porn, don't-" "Absolutely, why would you ever think that I don't?"

"Fair enough, I should have known at this point." I admitted. "Can I return to the drama now?" She nodded. "Everything went to shit when we matched on an dating app."

"Why? What happened?" She looked into my eyes, intrigued.

"It told us that we were fully compatible, and like idiots, we believed it. He probably still thinks that we are, but I know by now that I can't stand living under the same room with him. He barely remembers to clean up if he spills something, and that's as far as he goes with the house chores. I have to clean everything, I need to cook all the food, I need to let him pick what to watch on TV or he throws a fit-" I started listing off.

"Sounds like classic Americana" She commented in a neutral tone that held neither approval nor disapproval for it.

"Yeah, but I don't care for being a housewife. I made that very clearly when we started dating, and he told me that he was not opposed to sharing the load of the house chores. But either he was lying or there's a lot of stuff he doesn't consider necessary." I rolled my eyes.

"Why did you stay with him for this long? I mean, that doesn't sound to me like something that would last more than a few months. Is the sex really that good?" She gave me a look like I was hiding my secret perversion under a mask of indifference.

"Again, don't care about sex as much as you do. It's just that I needed to move to this area for better job opportunities, and he was willing to move with me and split the rent. He's also not the worst person ever, even if he drives me crazy a lot of the time. He was very nice to have as a friend, but he's someone that's great if you want to hang out but awful if there are responsibilities involved." I sighed, deciding to admit one more detail. "That and he's due inherit a lot of money from his parents."

"Ah, there it is! The real reason." She nodded along, feeling like she fully understood it now. Before I can defend myself, we hear the doorknob turn. "Ah shit, good luck with this. Remember to act like I'm not here, cause he can't see me." She told me as she stopped stimulating me, running out of my lap and into a corner from where she could watch the conversation happen.