The Do-Gooder Wristbands

A wristband for do-gooders.

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Is this just a wristband for do-gooders?

No.

What else is it?

It's an item. An item of power.

So, what kind of power does it have?

The power of doing good. Not bad. But good. Yes. The opposite of bad. Like non-bad. Anti-bad. It is anti-badness.

Can you fuck off, stop being vague, and explain what this shit does, or else I'm going to put this wristband 'round your throat... please? Ronnie, make sure to edit this out.

Sure. Can I see it? There we go. See? Now that I've put it on, I am a do-gooder.

Really? I don't notice anything different.

Okay. How about when I do this, with your breasts?

Grabbing them?

Exactly. That's exactly right.

That's all you, hun. Keep it going, I've been feeling sore down there anyway. A nice massage like that works wonders!

How about this?

SLAP!

Ow....

Are you okay?

...yeah, but... that stung a bit.

Are you mad?

(sniff) Why would I be? Look -- I'm sorry if I made you upset. If you want, we can start this whole thing over.

So, you're not angry that I just slapped you.

Hm?

You're not furious over the fact that I, a guy, just slapped you, the beautiful woman interviewing me.

I... well... I... no. You had every right to be angry.

And to slap you.

Well... yes.

I wasn't angry. I just felt like doing that. And this.

Oh, kneading the two ladies again, huh? You must really like them.

I do. After all, I can do no wrong. I can say no wrong. I can be no wrong. And people will always do what I tell them to do, and like my ideas. Like with you, letting me grope your breasts. The thought of me doing wrong is laughable. In fact, people will like me even when I'm doing things they resent.

That's what the wristband does.

Unless you flip it over.

What do you mean by that, exactly?

Flip it over, and the world and people around you will be imprinted with your instincts. They will want to do what you want to see. Regardless of right or wrong. It will put the world in the active role, instead of relying on you, the wearer, to take action on it.

Interesting.

Very.

So it makes the world... into anti-do-gooders?

Yeah. All based on the wearer's own anti-'goodness'.

Huh.

Which leads to the next thing.

What's that?

The Guilt Threshold.

And that's supposed to be?

A breaking point. If you express guilt enough times, the wristband will react with a harsh stinging sensation. Like that slap. Only 6 times as painful, and across your entire body.

I see..

And if you keep expressing that guilt, eventually, it'll reach the Guilt Threshold. Where it'll eventually kill you.

How dramatic!

You can say that again. Which is why, for long-term enjoyment, the key is simple.

(smile)

'To feel no guilt, remember that the do-gooder wristbands are wristbands for do-gooders true. And if you see goodness in all that you do, you can be good, too.'

*TV SPLASH CUT*

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