John, a boy that stumbles upon Haven by accident.

[Author’s Note: There is no sexual content in this chapter.]

Like every angst-filled 18 year-old teen, John was having the worst day of his life. He trudged through the thick underbrush in the forest east of town. All he wanted was to be alone and in these quiet, isolated woods, he easily found it. Where he was going? He had absolutely no idea, so long as it was far, far away from his school.

Today had been especially unpleasant, even compared to the day some hooligans dumped a bucket of rotting garbage on him. Chad (his bully, obviously) pulled down his pants and pushed him down a flight of stairs, whipped him in the nut sack (Jesus, that stings!) with a wet towel in the locker room and he continued his usual routine of physical . But that wasn’t even the worst part… John still didn’t have a date to prom! Even his nerd friend Gary had a gorgeous woman going with him… granted he was importing her from another town, she was being paid all the money he made from working at Burger Queen, and her name was Angel, age 29, but still! At least Gary was going to have a girl (prostitute) on his arm.

Like an idiot, John had been so sure that he would have a date that he had already purchased two tickets; one for himself and the other for his “in-the-bag” lady friend. Each ticket was $50 and it was too late to try to sell it or return it. In desperation, a few nights ago he had popped open a secret notepad he kept underneath his bed and made a list of prospective classmates that he could ask: Karen, Paulina, Macey, Lara, Nadine, Annabell, damn it! All of them had were already taken! Hell, Macey and Nadine were even going together! These were dark days indeed for poor John.

When he arrived at school that day, he had one option: Bertha Fatbottom, otherwise known as “Big Bertha.” John had always wondered if she was a victim of fate with a last name like Fatbottom. Coming in at a dainty 286 pounds, this acne-covered monstrosity was the school wrestling team’s heavy-weight champion, with a special emphasis on “heavy”. With massive muscles and an alpha gorilla’s gait, the district was convinced that it was only fair she wrestled boys, but it was still a horrifying spectacle every time she rumbled into the gym. The matches weren’t much better; it was like watching a grown man throw a baby in the air.

Knowing all that, imagine John’s surprise (and horror) when she laughed in his face and told him that she already had a date! Ernie Flats, the scrawny, albino president of the anime club, had already beaten John to the punch! The sniveling little gremlin was hiding in Bertha’s shadow, snickering at your wild misfortune. If you weren’t at risk of being crushed like a junked car in a scrap yard, you would punch the little weasel! It was a devastating blow to be sure and a mortal wound to his rapidly-fleeting dreams of having a date to prom…

So here he was, brooding and overwhelmed with boyhood depression. Why do literally the worst things that can happen to any human being on the planet happen to me? He thought to himself glumly, kicking a stray rock in his path. How long had he been walking? John had long since lost track, perhaps it was three hours? Four? He couldn’t go home just yet… after all; his bitch lesbian sister Mary would just mock him. “Hey loser, how does it feel knowing I get more pussy than you?” She would cackle like a banshee as always and go on her merry way.

John grunted as he began scaling a dirt hill in front of him, climbing up slowly but surely so as to not lose his footing. His ears perked up as he heard a strange noise beyond the summit and he hastened his efforts. Curious... almost sounded like...

Peering over the ridge, he saw the source…