Defense Attorney: Turnabout Parody!!!

01-31-20XX Defendant Lobby No. 3

5:30 PM

"Oh god... Oh god oh god oh god, I can't believe I'm finally doing this."

I'm hyperventilating. I'm actually hyperventi- I never hyperventilate! If the court sees me like this, they'll all know that I'm not ready for this!

Okay... Okay, calm down Eliza. Calm calm calm calm calm- You can do this. It may be your first case, but you can do this! You've trained for this! You studied for this! YOU EARNED THIS! YOU. WILL. NOT. FAIL.

My name is Eliza Hope. I'm a rookie defense attorney who's just starting my first case. As you can clearly see, I have the situation under my control and I have complete and total confidence in my abilities.

"I think I'm gonna die..."

Palms sweaty, knees are weak, arms like spaghetti- reciting dumb Internet memes again- mom's spaghetti-

I'm a young girl in my twenties. Fairly average height, fairly average build. Not exactly the most voluptuous or beautiful person in the world, but I've been told I was cute before, soooo... Yeah.

Short messy blonde hair, with blue eyes. Everyone seems to be convinced that my hair color is fake though, with the explanation being something like, "It's too bright and shiny to be real!" Whatever that means. I suppose I should be taking that as a compliment, if only so many people would stop saying the same exact thing with such disbelief in their tone.

I guess you aren't really here for me though. Let me get back on topic.

"I AM GOING TO DIE." I squealed to myself in a nervous breakdown, sweat pouring down my face like a melting ice cube.

It only took another person nearby to make me remember where I was and bring me back to my senses.

"Ahem... Eliza?"

Oh god damn it, out of all the people to witness my breakdown, it just had to be the one person who really really really shouldn't have seen me like this.

I'm here to defend one man. His name is John Doe.

Which happens to be...

You.

"Oh! Hey, hey how's it-" I cleared my throat and tried to act calm and nonchalant. "How's it going, er, John?"

Hopefully you didn't just lose all confidence in me.

"Eeeugh..."

Judging by that really nervous frown, you probably just did.

"I was actually hoping to ask you that, Eliza. How is it going? With the case?"

"Saying this with complete and absolute confidence! You'll be fine! Nothing could possibly go wrong!" I tried to laugh in order to calm you down, although I think I may have went a bit too hysterical for my taste.

You closed your eyes and let out a depressed sigh, causing my laughter to wither and into a groan.

Honestly speaking... We seemed to be effed in the ay.

Checking the court record, all I could see is tons of evidence that incriminates you as the perpetrator. Not only that, but the victim seems to be entirely convinced that it was you who did the crime...

Things aren't going our way at all...

Scratching your head, you gave a belated smile as if you were ready to resign to your fate. "Look, Eliza... I just want to tell you that, no matter what happens in there... It's not your fault if I get a guilty verdict."

Ouch... Absolutely no confidence at all...

Noticing my distressed expression, you quickly try to reassure me, "N-Not that I don't believe in you! It's just... Well, sometimes people can just get unlucky, you know? I don't want you to blame yourself when things go out of hand. Whatever happens to me, don't let it go to your conscious. Alright?"

I stayed silent, not knowing how to respond to something like that.

Of course I would blame myself if you get a guilty verdict. It would be all my fault if I don't succeed in defending you. It's my job, after all.

Not only that, but...

I know for a fact that you didn't do it.

I know that you didn't and the victim.

So if I failed, I'll always remember my first case as the case where I failed to save an innocent man from being punished for a crime he never committed.

An innocent man who I have feelings for...